Posted by: Jeff | February 7, 2011

Ranking Movie Trailers Shown During the Super Bowl in the Order I Don’t Want to See Them

9. Super 8

Cloverfield prequel?

Steven Spielberg + J.J. Abrams?  I’m intrigued.  Add in an enigmatic trailer with lots of action and few plot spoilers and I’m frantically googling to find out more.

8. Cowboys & Aliens

Jurassic Park probably sounded stupid at first, too.

Possibly the worst title for any movie, ever, but the premise isn’t horrible as far as movies about aliens go (not terribly far, but still): why do aliens always seem to invade contemporary Earth?  Why not an alien invasion movie one hundred years ago in the Wild West?  With Daniel Craig and Harrison Ford?  Why not, indeed.

7. Transformers 3

These movies really can't be called good, but they're at least entertaining.

Much of this one was shot in D.C., and Michael Bay generally makes movies that are ridiculous in concept but kind of cool in execution.  I expect little plot and corny comedy, but lots and lots of explosions.

6. Pirates of the Caribbean 4

Penelope Cruz better hope she didn't join a sinking ship.

Is this really necessary?  A fourth movie in a franchise that was only supposed to include three films, and has gotten markedly worse with each release?  I know they made a lot of money with the trio of movies, and that Johnny Depp’s career owes a lot to his turn as Captain Jack, but this feels like a very unnecessary victory lap that is likely to be unfortunate.

5. Thor

Is it just me, or does that weapon seem really impractical?

I don’t know anything about this comic book story, other than that it’s somehow tied to Iron Man, which really wasn’t half-bad.  Unfortunately, the trailer just made the story even less clear.  I take it this isn’t about the Norse God and is just some dude with a big hammer?  Ho-hum.

4. Captain America

This might not be a shot of the new movie, but I don’t really care.

Oh, great – a superhero movie about military research gone wrong that promises to be one of many in a new “world” of superheroes.  If this was 2002, this might be exciting. But after Batman Begins, The Dark Knight, Spiderman1, Spiderman 2, Spiderman 3, Superman, Daredevil, Electra, The Punisher, The Incredible Hulk (Ang Lee), Hulk (Edward Norton), X-Men, X-Men 2, X-Men 3, Green Hornet, Green Lantern, Iron Man 1, Iron Ma-… you get the picture.  Saturation point.

3. RIO

With the musical stylings of Duran Duran?

From IMDB: “When Blu, a domesticated macaw from small-town Minnesota, meets the fiercely independent Jewel, he takes off on an adventure to Rio de Janeiro with this bird of his dreams.”  Birds going to Carnival?  Why the hell not.  Can you imagine the writers’ meetings?  Clearly, someone was on drugs and playing Angry Birds while watching E’s “Wild On: Carnival.”

2. Limitless

I'm just hoping this didn't interfere with the filming of The Hangover 2.

Robert de Niro, is this the only work you can get outside the Fockers franchise these days?  Bradley Cooper is an egotistical writer who starts taking drugs and gains superpowers (again with the superpowers??!) and spirals out of control.  But did I mention that Bradley Cooper does shirtless sit-ups in this trailer?  That’s how much faith the trailer editors have in the plot of this film.

1. Rango

And just when you thought that Johnny Depp's career couldn't fall any further than The Tourist...

Johnny Depp as the voice of a Hawaiian shirt-wearing lizard that arrives in a western town and is immediately put in charge of restoring law and order while a group of owls heckle him.  Is there any possible way that people pay to see this movie?  How did they trick Depp into agreeing to this?  This film could well be the worst idea for a feature-length film since It’s Pat.

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Responses

  1. I laughed several times reading this!

  2. […] not the legions of horrible movie trailers premiered on primetime.  The PSA at […]

  3. […] written a bit about the strangest Super Bowl commercial, as well as the proliferation of horrible movie trailers this year.  So I promise this is the last Super Bowl-related post in this space – I’m […]

  4. Perfectly composed written content , regards for entropy.

  5. Very nice post!

  6. Very nice post!


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